i feel uncomfortable around my dad

I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. Daniel B. 2022 Galvanized Media. You feel violated because it feels as if hes making these jokes about you. As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. All Rights Reserved. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I raised my son to be a good man, he is a a good dad. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . I need advice and people to talk to. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. I read this cringing inside. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. Started February 23, By Or his mother, if she is still alive. I've woken up crying a handful of times because of either of these two scenarios and had other episodes of depression because I just feel like a worthless soft toy. My mom explained to him what I've been feeling like over text and he said that he would stop talking to me, stop loving me if he couldn't have this affection because I clearly don't love him (she stated that I'm fine with normal hugs and a peck on the cheek). This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. Maybe just try to relax a little bit. 1. | Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Finances mean nothing there are programs that help. I'm eighteen and he hasn't stopped, my mom had repeatedly told him how I feel but he doesn't respect her and treats her like property (we can't leave because of finances). I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. RELATED:5 Ways Your Abandonment Issues Are RUINING Your Relationship. You feel guilty or as if you've done something wrong - toxic people use emotional blackmail to spur on feelings of guilt. I hope you can find a safe way out and can get help. While this is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive to controlling. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. When you let stress and tension build up when in a family setting, youre more likely to fly off the handle at any given moment. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. I don't like how he looks at me or hugs me. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to deal with are egotistical types. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. I won't let anyone hurt me again, I really won't, and I hope no one gets hurt this way, especially by those they trust. Oh no. Talking about emotions with parents is often uncomfortable; it's completely natural. My only hope is to leave as soon as I can. He just stops talking to me whenever he feels like I should be punished but the thing is that I haven't done anything wrong. 3. Im clingy. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? But since then he hasn't touched my butt save for a handful of times. My mom says that I am being bad when I tell her this. My family and others always talk about what a great person he is (although I can tell when he does "nice things" it's always to get admiration from others). He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. Ask your father questions about his childhood, then listen carefully. But there comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy. It isn't your fault. PostedJanuary 26, 2018 Am I being gas lighted? I really hope I can make it out. I get confused by anyone being nice to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable. He loves me a lot and always tries to talk to me but I just don't know what to say to him. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. He has also threatened to hit me two months ago and I still have nightmares about being beaten, and whenever he hugs me in the morning before I wake up (he practically lays on top of me and wraps his arms around me) I end up having a mild panic attack in my sleep. The former Disney Channel star teases plans for future music. A lot of us have wounds that have not yet become scars because proper healing is a long-term process. It appears you entered an invalid email. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. Learn to say no . This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. He flips out when I say that I'm not comfortable and stops speaking to me. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. We spend most of our time in different cities now that he's moved out but he drops in whenever he feels like it, without telling us that he's coming. To choose your username either log in or sign up. I have a really good therapist and I'll see if he can guide me further as well. Im so sorry youre going through this, OP. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. Knowing in my gut theyre toxic for me, I continue to try to prove my worth to them. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. In some scenarios, cutting ties with family members is the only way to heal yourself. Behavior has never been an issue. Amanda B. I know you probably dont want to pay off a lot of loans, but its much better to completely cut off contact with your father and get away to protect yourself and get some mental help to process through this. Speak to a mental health professional today to help you with your issues, or check out some of these helpful resources below: If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. Davidgrx As you mention you are 18, it will be time for you to take a big step and decide to cut the unhealthy relationship out of your life. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. Privacy My mom and dad are still together. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. I do not own him. We think that we should agree all the time and get along in order to be a nice, functional family. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. When youre sitting at the dinner table pointing out everyones flaws in your head, then you might have a problem on your hands. So I need some advice. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. If you dont want to lose touch with family and are simply trying to escape tension, its important that you let them know you still love them, but need to take time for yourself. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. Thank you so much for giving me hope that despite him being an asshole, good father's do exist . It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Being related doesnt mean youll get along in every situation, share the same political views, or even enjoy each other's company. Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. I would always say trust that gut instinct and protect your children..that means never leave them alone with him. Its made things really hard with authority figures. Jennifer P. I overcompensate with my kids. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and parenting style. There is hope. It would better serve them to look inside themselves and see how theyre managing and feeling, rather than being so concerned with others behaviors. Dad left when I was 3, [when he and my mom] got divorced. I don't feel. 2019;14. doi:10.29173/jjs6s. The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. So be kind and respectful, but don't force yourself neglect your true views out of fear that someone else will have a different opinion. The pop star body rolled to a tune from from her fourth album. Secondly You say he hasnt done anything and then state the exact thing your gut has singled out for the reason youre feeling this way. He had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a parent. As someone who also was abused by my mother in all ways including sexual, I completely understand where youre coming from. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. It will not last forever. You need help and u and your mother should leave him and your mother should let him see that he can't touch you if u dont want to. It broke my heart. Bridgette T. I build walls and compartmentalize my feelings. there are good people in the world for you. And he keeps talking about touching my butt, or saying feel spank me when I don't give him a kiss as soon as he asks (in a joking tone), but I hate it so much that I literally have breakdowns as soon as I'm alone. Sigh.. The good night ritual may need to go since you're older now. As a psychologist, Ive worked with hundreds of fathers, hundreds of wives of fathers, and hundreds of kids with fathers. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. Even just tuning out of the conversation for a minute might help neutralize the negativity. I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. Into music? Any advice or really any comments would be helpful, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Even if your father means well, is/was not abusive, and is probably not to blame for emotionally neglecting you, the effects of the neglect on you are still powerful and important, and it is vital that you take them seriously. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. Weve said a word about. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. If I ever said that this is my body and I don't like being touched a certain way, he'd go on a tangent about how he gave birth to me and I belong to him. I don't know what to do. Like what? Thank you for seeing my strength, there are times when I feel like the weakest thing possible. Its important to seek therapy for the emotions youre experiencing so that you can start to heal and move forward with your life, toward acceptance and healthier relationships. He's been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. She's your daughter and you get to decide who gets to have access to her. You are sensing that something is wrong with your father-in-law's boundaries around your daughter and that can be reason enough to do something different. If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. He should know that he should respect your boundaries. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. Posts: 3. I don't talk to him on the phone either. I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. You need to start working on getting independent. HelloGiggles.com is part of the Dotdash Meredith Beauty & Style Group, your family is stressing you out to an unhealthy, suffering from some family-related stress, family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. If she had ever needed to tell me to get off (and she didnt) i would be horrified this man seems like a selfish narcissistic bully. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. This is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. Thanks so much for your honesty! While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Essentially, their sense of self-vanishes in the presence of others, especially in the presence of family. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. Recognizing what makes you anxious can help you build a strategy to deal with the stressor and therefore make you feel less gross about it. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. Started December 23, 2022, By I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. PLEASE HELP !!! Thanks for reading. Be strong enough to excuse yourself if a conversation gets out of hand, and spend more time with your favorite cousins or siblings. However, there are ways to better prepare yourself any time you have an unwanted family reunion. When and How to Tell Your Child They Were Adopted, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, which can eventually cause you to resent him, seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing, Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. OP, you are NOT OVERREACTING. Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. Did he actually love me? If your pushy aunt asks you why youre still single, make a joke. Remember, you don't have to always agree with your family. pastoralcucumbers But Emotional Neglect is difficult to spot in a father/child relationship. Since Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is invisible and unmemorable, it can be difficult to know if you have it. And your body is looking for a way to get out of it. 2. I also think that the only way I will get attention is through sex, so I often allow myself to be taken advantage of just so I feel loved. Megan G. [I] seek out attention from men because it makes me feel like Im worth something. My son is 7. However, theres no rule that says you have to get along with everyone in your family all the time. TL;DR I've always felt uncomfortable around my dad and I really don't know why. I feel so scared for both my mother and I that it's paralysing at times. I need constant reassurance that people love me and care. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Stay safe, and I believe you will get through it. He has never made any comments about my body but he has looked. Do not read too much into it, you are 21, an adult and will have your own life. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. When we lack a strong sense of self, we want to be and do what everyone in our family expects of us. By Sanjana Gupta And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. I ended up having a huge fight with him when I was eleven/twelve about how I didn't like the way he touched my butt, and my mother and I had to go to our neighbor's house for help at 3 in the morning. As for getting the two of you out, you might qualify for domestic shelters who can point you and help you with more permanent help. You can make him stop and leave you alone by getting out. Im the same. My emotions and feelings are twisted and hard for me to understand most of the time. Jacquelyn M. I have a hard time understanding emotions and intimacy in men. Its like all their reasoning and maturity went away when faced with close-minded comments and overly opinionated uncles. It may be innocent, may not, but if you are uncomfortable, it must change. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. I'm going to start finding resources. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! Jonice Webb has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is theauthor of the book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. he's been a great father and i . By developing a sense of self, you build the ability to self-regulate and better manage your anxiety, which brings about changes that allow you to be less reactive to your family members; thus, your need for everything to go smoothly decreases, as do your expectations and feelings of distress. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. They both looked and agreed. There's a reason you are feeling this way. This applies to both romantic and platonic relationships. Lulu B. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always trust your gut. My dad has not been around much due to his work.

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